


Tales from the Big, Dark, Scary Forest REDUX

by LooNEY_DAC



Series: LooNEY_DAC's SSSS AUs [16]
Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Crack, Gen, but you knew that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-22 15:35:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21304424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LooNEY_DAC/pseuds/LooNEY_DAC
Series: LooNEY_DAC's SSSS AUs [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/593620
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12
Collections: LooNEY_DAC’s SSSS REDUX Works





	1. Goldilocks Emil & the Three Bear Warriors

_Once Upon a Time..._

Emil “Goldilocks” Västerström made his way homeward through the big, dark, scary forest dejectedly as night fell. Despite staying out a bit later than he should have, he hadn’t caught a thing in his snares today, so his Uncle Torbjörn and Aunt Siv would send him to bed without supper again, while they made do with the dregs of last week’s pease porridge. Had he caught something, they’d have let _him_ have the dregs of last week’s pease porridge, which he very much enjoyed eating.

A bolt of lightning blazed through the heavens, splitting a tree disturbingly close to the path Emil was walking along. He was supposed to stay on the path all the way through the big, dark, scary forest, because then the wolves and the bears wouldn’t chase him and gobble him up. But would getting struck by lightning really be any better than that?

Rain began to pour down, and the lightning cracked again, even closer this time. Deciding he’d better risk being chased by the wolves and the bears, Emil tried to duck beneath a particularly broad pine, but as soon as he stepped off the path, his feet flew out from under him, and he slid through the mud until he fell into a dark cave.

Gathering himself together, Emil reached into his basket and pulled out his tinder-box. Now, most tinder-boxes wouldn’t work if you got them as wet and muddy as this one was, but Emil had used all of his earnings for last year to get some special things from the apothecary so that his tinder-box would always light when he needed it to.

Emil had fallen into a hole, but he’d come to rest against a rough-hewn door. “Ah!” he told himself. “Here is a place where I may seek shelter for the night in exchange for some labor!” As he was a well-mannered young man (when he remembered to be), Emil thereupon knocked at the door, which bounced open.

Although Emil did not know it, he was entering the abode of three Bear Warriors of great renown: Sigrun, the fiercest Bear Warrior ever ever ever; Mikkel, the general dogs-body of the trio; and Lalli, their newly acquired Cub Scout. They lived all alone in the woods because they didn’t like other people, and all the wolves and the bears were too scared to try to eat them.

Emil carefully shut the door behind him, being careful to be on his best behavior. “Hello?” he called. “Is anyone home?”

After no one answered, Emil shrugged. He would just go around the place and see what work was needed that he could do. But first, he took his muddy cloak off and hung it on a stand by the door, also removing his muddy boots and placing them by the stand. It would be impolite to track mud all over someone else’s home when you were their guest.

The first room Emil found was the living room. He saw three chairs arranged around the fireplace. “Ah!” he told himself. “I can get the fire going, so this room will be nice and warm for them when they return!” And he did.

He didn’t sit in any of the chairs, though each looked inviting; nor did he stand and watch the fire as he would have liked, because he still had work to do. “Now, for the other rooms.”

The next room Emil found was the kitchen and dining area, where three bowls sat atop the table. “Oh, this will never do!” Emil said. “Without something to cover them, the bowls will attract bugs from everywhere!”

Emil looked through the cupboards until he found some clean cheesecloths. He took some and covered each bowl so the porridge inside would stay bug-free. Emil didn’t eat any of the porridge, even though he was very hungry by now, because that would be rude.

Finally, Emil came to the bedroom, where three unmade and very messy beds immediately caught his eye. “Oh!” he said. “This will never do!” And he straightened up the room and made the beds. Emil did not lie down on any of the beds, though by now he was very tired, because that would be rude.

After all this, Emil went back to the living room and stood warming himself by the fireplace and watching the merry play of the flames when the door flew open and Sigrun, Mikkel, and Lalli came in. Before Emil could speak, Sigrun went to the grandest and most uncomfortable-looking of the chairs.

“Someone has been sitting in my chair!” she roared, ignoring Emil’s stuttered denials (and Emil himself) completely.

Mikkel went over to a sturdier and plusher chair. “Someone’s been sitting in _my_ chair,” he said in surprise, also ignoring Emil completely.

Lalli, however, looked straight at Emil, who held up his hands and said, “I swear, I haven’t sat down the whole time I’ve been here!”

“Okay,” Lalli replied quietly.

The others ignored them and went into the kitchen, where both Sigrun and Mikkel declared that someone had been eating their porridge, while Lalli shook his head in resignation.

Emil was getting very confused by now.

Now they all stomped into the bedroom, where Sigrun and Mikkel declared that their beds had been slept in by some interloper. Emil finally got mad.

“Look,” he said, pointing at the beds, “I have only made the beds, not slept in them, just as I only covered the porridge, without eating any, and lit a fire to warm the chairs, without sitting in them. I tried to ensure that I didn’t track mud in here, and in every other way, I’ve tried to behave like a good guest, even though I wasn’t invited, but forced to take refuge here by the storm. Why do you accuse me of such rudeness?”

“Aren’t you ‘Goldilocks’ Västerström?” Sigrun asked, surprised by his ire.

“Well, yes,” Emil admitted. “Why?”

“Well, we were told that ‘Goldilocks’ Västerström was a mean and rude boy who would leave all of us--and Lalli especially--without food or a place to sit or even a bed in which to sleep.”

“If I recall correctly, they intimated that we would probably return to find our abode burnt to the ground,” Mikkel interjected.

“That only happened the once, and that by accident! Anyway, who told you this?” Emil asked.

“A man and a woman we came across in our journey through the big, dark, scary forest this morning; they never mentioned their names.”

The three Bear Warriors were so impressed by Emil’s good manners that they let him stay until dawn, _and_ gave him a grouse to take home, saying he could visit whenever he wanted. Lalli even shook Emil’s hand, which was not usually his thing.

Because the abode of the three Bear Warriors was much further off the path than he’d realized, it took Emil quite some time to get back to his home; since he had been gone so long, his aunt and uncle were surprised to see him (or that was the reason they gave him, at least), but not displeased, since he’d snagged a brace of rabbits on the way back in addition to the grouse the three Bear Warriors had given him.

And the moral of the story is: it pays to be polite.


	2. The Cat in Scout's Clothing

_Once Upon a Time..._

Once, there was a village in the middle of the big, dark, scary forest, and in the village there was a cat that watched the scouts every night as they went out and about their duties, keeping the villagers safe from the bears and wolves and thieves and robbers that liked to lurk in the big, dark, scary forest. Light or dark, wet or dry, hot or cold, the scouts went, and the cat watched all the while.

After a time, the cat told himself, “You know, I do believe I could do that as well as any of those humans do, if I wanted to.” But he didn’t want to, so the cat just stayed where he was. Now, this cat was a fine, big cat, bigger and finer than any of his fellow cats, so he was used to being able to do anything he wanted to; since he was a cat, he usually wanted to lie in one of the nice warm beams of sunlight that occasionally filtered through the treetops onto a convenient roof on one or another of the village’s cottages.

Over the next while, the cat told himself several more times that he could go a-scouting just as well as any of the humans he watched, if he wanted to; but he never wanted to, so he didn’t. On the other paw (as it were), the cat did begin to take an interest in a strange, sudden influx of hamsters into the big, dark, scary forest; many was the time the cat got the drop on a few of the vermin as they nosed around where they shouldn’t be, and with each new kill, the cat’s conviction that he would make just as good a scout as any of the humans grew.

Finally, one night the cat said this conviction aloud, where he thought no one would hear him. This was most unusual for the cat, because he usually only said one word at a time (or maybe two), because a loud hunter always goes home hungry; but since the cat thought no one would hear him, he said more this time.

“I don’t believe you.” So said a young fox lazily lounging in a nearby tree. “You didn’t spot _me_, so how can you say that you’d be as good as the humans?”

“I would so,” the cat protested, “and I _totally_ knew you were there!”

“Then prove it,” the puppy-fox sneered. “Unless you’re all talk.”

The cat scrunched up his face in anger and replied, “OK.” His tail lashed in anger as he said it.

So the cat went to the master of scouts and told him that he wanted to join the scouts.

“Well,” the master of scouts said doubtfully, “you’re a fine, big cat, but all my scouts have to be human.”

“Why?” the cat demanded angrily. Many of the larger scouting patrols took dogs with them, so the cat suspected that the master of scouts just didn’t like cats.

“The good townspeople made us these uniforms, and it would be insulting if we didn’t use them.” The master of scouts held out one of the uniforms for the cat to examine.

The uniforms included long boots that came up over the knees, and long gloves that reached past the elbows; these helped the scouts stay unhurt when they had to go through the thick thickets in the heart of the big, dark, scary forest, but a cat wouldn’t need them for that. The cat looked at them dubiously.

Eventually, the cat asked, “If I wear the uniform, can I join the scouts?”

“You’ll have to try out first,” the master of scouts replied. “That’s the way it’s done.”

That seemed sensible enough to the cat, and he was sure that he could pass any test they asked of him as well as any of the human scouts had, even with those boots and gloves on, so he replied, “OK.”

So the cat strained and struggled and finally managed to get into the uniform. It made his balance all wobbly, though, so when he tried out for the scouts, the others just laughed at his efforts to get through their obstacle course. The puppy-fox appeared and laughed with them, even as he threw extra obstacles at the cat, but none of the humans seemed to notice that the puppy-fox was there.

This only made the cat more determined than ever to show the others that he could be the most best of them all; so every night after that, instead of watching the scouts, the cat practiced.

After a very long time, the cat went back to the master of scouts, who told him, “You already failed your try-out, so I can’t let you join; those are the rules.” But the master of scouts agreed to let the cat try again in front of the town leaders, to see if they might change their minds.

This time, the cat did everything right; he even set a new speed record going through the obstacle course, though the puppy-fox threw even more obstacles at the cat when he thought the cat was least expecting them. None of the human scouts laughed at the cat; in fact, several applauded, and the master of scouts tried several times over to get the town leaders to make an exception for this obviously exceptional cat. The town leaders did not want to change their minds, though, because that would mean admitting that they had been wrong, and nothing anyone said or did would change their minds.

While the town leaders were busy deciding not to do anything, the cat scouted out the entire town and drew out a map showing where everyone and everything was. This was something not even the best of the other scouts could do, and the master of scouts was both pleased and impressed. Once again, he went to the town leaders and asked them to make the cat one of his scouts.

The town leaders still would not budge, so the cat could not become one of their scouts. Even the puppy-fox looked downcast at this news.

“Well, if you won’t make an exception for this obviously exceptional cat, I guess we’ll take him on as a Cub Scout.”

The town leaders gasped, for the speaker was none other than the feared Bear Warrior, Sigrun, the fiercest Bear Warrior ever ever ever! Many times, she had led the Bear Warriors to victory against the thieves and robbers who liked to strike unwary travelers in the big, dark, scary forest during the night.

“Right, Mikkel?” she said, turning to her massive Bear Warrior companion.

“M’yes. This cat could prove most useful as our Cub Scout.”

And that’s how Lalli the cat became a Cub Scout and the Third Bear Warrior...


End file.
